We're Engaged: The Story of Us

From COVID-19, to finding out we were pregnant, to being a month engaged to the love of my life today - this year might have had its downs, but the outcomes have been incredibly transformative. We can't wait to see what next year has in store for us as our story continues. We have known each other since 2016 and my life has been incredible ever since we met. Here is a look into our lives leading up to the engagement:

OUR LOVE STORY

Antonny and I were street promoters for an electronic dance promoting company here in Maryland back in 2016. We clicked instantly with each of our group of friends and eventually formed an amazing crew that all shared the same love for EDM music. There was something about Antonny that kept me drawn in and comfortable, even just as friends. From the beginning, everything was so easy with him. We would get lost in the music at every show, have a great time when we hung out, had numerous, deep conversations about things I never talked about with anyone, and we found comfort in each other since we both have been through very traumatic experiences in life. Turns out that Antonny, someone I met in a small amount of time, had so much in common with me regarding our outlook on life, our goals and our mindsets. Being three years older than me, it was beautiful to have someone understand me and all the baggage I came with. In the moments where I got to know Antonny, I knew he was a rare, humble, genuine and caring individual I have never come across in my life. I craved more time with him and always made sure he knew I wanted to be a close friend with him. 

There is this one time specifically that we considered our 'first date'. Antonny came down to Frederick when I used to live there and we met up to hang up some hardcopy flyers and posters for upcoming events. That day, we ate at a local pizzeria in Downtown Frederick, Pizza Pretzel. That was the day we talked about our families, personal lives, and getting to know each other more even though we already knew so much. Till this day, I learn something new everyday about him. Feeling so comfortable with Antonny, I took him to my 'thinking spot' which is where I would go to just relax and be alone with my thoughts. The top of the garage building in Downtown Frederick has the most perfect view and sunset, so we spent the rest of the evening there, ignoring the fact that it was already time to head home.

Now, as I move forward with the blog post, this is written with complete honesty. I have always been a 'no-filter' kind of blogger without sugar coating anything but this one was a bit more personal and hits different. No one is perfect and I know that I am far from it.

At the time I met Antonny, I was with my previous partner of almost five years. Antonny always respected that I was in a relationship and not once insinuated that he liked me or ever made a move on me - we were always just friends that enjoyed each others company. Ringing in the 2017 New Year, I was at my breaking point with my previous partner. I was not happy, I felt like he never made time for me (especially for the holidays), towards the end of my relationship he did not give me my place as a girlfriend and would not stand up to his parents for me being that we were already adults, we had no communication, and my heart was broken every time I would try to talk to him about marriage/our future - he would say he did not want to marry me and he did not want to think about it because he didn't want to think that far ahead. When I would ask him why he loved me, he needed days to think of a 'meaningful' response. I knew at this point that I was wasting my time. I did not want to be with someone just to pass time, I wanted to be with someone who I could see/build a future with. On New Years Eve 2016, I met up with a group of friends and Antonny so that we could all ring in the new year together. Little did I know going to this gathering as vulnerable and unhappy as I was, it would lead me to something beautiful. After a couple glasses of wine and shots of liquor, I found myself feeling incredibly sad about where I was in life and who I was with. I went to the bathroom and sat on the floor crying. I was gone for a while and Antonny, being a concerned friend, wanted to make sure I wasn't throwing up and that I was okay. He checked on me and saw me crying. He held me for the longest time as I told him what happened/how I was feeling. The conversation went on and at the end of it all, I made a move on him and kissed him. The next day, I did not remember a thing. Antonny messaged me and asked if we can meet up. He drove to my apartment and we sat in the car as he explained what had happened the night before. From there, I asked God for guidance and for wisdom on what to do. I was conflicted and scared of letting go of a five year relationship knowing how much it would affect my family, the friend groups we were in, and the somewhat discombobulated life we had together. This fear was exactly what happened after the break-up. My family and parents didn't know the whole story which was fine with me, but no matter what they saw me as the one who committed the crime. I felt alone, sad, vulnerable, and I lost connection with the friends and family I had except for Antonny and the group of friends we had together. As conflicted as I was, Antonny gave me the classic ultimatum of "it's me or him". As hard as I fought the feeling, I knew I loved Antonny because a big part of me could not see my life without him and I knew that I was willing to risk it all for my happiness. This might sound harsh and there is no way I want to sugar coat this - but I do not regret cheating on my previous partner with Antonny. What I do regret is that I hurt someone and broke their heart. It has taken years for me to forgive myself and to forgive my previous partner - like I said, nobody is perfect and even though I am the one who cheated, I came to the realization that it was not just my fault. No person cheats without reason and yes, I know it is not the best way to step out of a relationship. When I say shit happens, it really does just happen. I let someone in my life when I shouldn't have and I fell in love with someone else, but I would not change a single thing because of all of that, I have GROWN so much as a partner and person. I will forever carry this in my conscious, but I leave my ex and all the BS in the past with no way of acknowledging it when it comes my way. I am BEYOND happy and content with the decisions I have made to get to this point in life. 

Our anniversary falls on May 6th. In 2017, we traveled to a music festival in Atlanta together and that by far was the best weekend of my life. We felt so alive, free-spirited, all the excitement leading up to the moment of us seeing one of our memorable artists under the night sky in the middle of the city - we became official while fireworks went off during Kaskade's set and it felt like we were in a movie. The tall buildings and stars surrounded us and ever since then, we have traveled to different cities to enjoy festivals and life together. As corny as it sounds, EDM has a special place in our hearts and EDM music brought us together. Not only was it because we met through the promoting company, but the love we have for it is impeccable and we can't wait to share those moments with our little ones. 

THE ENGAGEMENT

Antonny and I ran into this conversation so much in the beginning of our relationship, but we always knew we were done looking outside of each other. There is something about our connection from the begininng where we knew this was it and this is our forever from here on out. As simple as it is, we found each other in each other and with time, we knew marriage and kids were in the plan. Leading up to the engagement, I had absolutely no idea. I have had so much anxiety and depression with this pregnancy and it has been happening on and off. Earlier in the week of September 28th, I was feeling better from a depression episode but started feeling down again. Throughout that same week, I was feeling weak, laying in bed all day, not eating right and anxious as hell. The previous week, Antonny mentioned about going on a date night to help me feel better and we scheduled it for October 2nd. The week of, Antonny mentioned that he was craving the pizza from Pizza Pretzel in Downtown Frederick. Friday, October 2nd came and we got ready for our date night. We took the Pizza to go and decided to go to the garage where we had our 'first date'. It was sunset with a beautiful harvest moon. Antonny was so confident in himself as always so I didn't suspect a thing. Once we finished our pizza, we just kept hugging each other and I thanked him for taking me out that night. We suffer from the same things regarding depression and anxiety, so we know how to pick each other back up with simply being in the company of one another. Next thing I know, he gets on one knee and asks "will you make me the happiest man alive". I don't even remember what I said but I know I said YES!! The funny part was that fireworks went off in a distance and I asked if he had that plan as well. He said "no but it happened at the right moment so let's just say I did". LOL. After being with someone who did not see a future with me or would curve the conversation of marriage, having this moment happen in my life could not have been anymore perfect. 

THE WEDDING PLANNING

I'm incredibly excited to start a wedding series on the blog to bring you along with me on all the coordination and planning. My Virgo self is a MAJOR perfectionist with the love of all the simple things so this will be exciting to plan. As of now, we are editing the guest list to make final revisions. Also, WE PICKED OUR DATE!!! May 6, 2022, the day of our anniversary and it happens to fall on a Friday and so it can give us and our guests time to recover! We will be putting a hold on wedding things from here so that we can focus on getting last minute things for Sebastian's arrival and so that we can take the first few months to focus on being first-time parents. If it's in God's will, COVID will be over so that we will be able to have all of our family members, friends and baby boy there to celebrate with us. 

And there you have it. Everyday I fall more in love with this man, his smile, his beautiful mind and heart. We are so happy to share these moments with all of you! We can't wait to have baby boy here, move into our home, and begin the wedding planning! God is good always, in all ways. Remember that if it is in God's will, He will place what you need right in front of you when you least expect it and when He knows you are ready. 

Thank you joining us along our journey. xx